In my parenting book, Easy Parenting For All Ages – Raising Happy Strong Kids, I wrote that how you parent your children will affect the lives of so many. Not only your children’s lives but your own, your children’s spouses’, your children’s children’s and beyond. Your children are your legacies.
Parenting is more than keeping a roof over our children’s heads, keeping them clothed, fed and schooled. It is about filling their hearts with the good stuff. Because they are walking records of all the things we have ever said or done to them – both the good and the bad. How we speak to our children become their inner voices. Oh, I have heard the voices of parents (especially mothers’) in so many grown adults!
We relive our childhood again and again in our adult lives, in different guises.
The brain is probably the least understood of human organs. Until recently, our knowledge of human behaviour comes from psychologists, but now, the fields of cellular biology, neurobiology and epigenetics have made made significant progress in understanding how the brain works.
Going as far back as Freud and Jung, it is known that we reenact our childhoods. Freud called it “repetition compulsion”. My psychologist, who is also a psychiatrist, calls it “childhood programming”. Basically, repetition compulsion or childhood programming is our brains unconsciously creating the same unresolved childhood scenario in an attempt to “get it right.” This unconscious drive to relive past events could be one of the mechanisms at work when families repeat unresolved traumas in future generations.
I dedicated my first book on parenting, Barefoot In The City – Raising Successful, Free Range Organic Kids to my friend Eva. Eva took her own life a few years ago. She saw many psychologists and psychiatrists in the months and years before her death who tried to help her get over her childhood trauma.
I was so very shocked that she killed herself. After all, there was no reason to. She had an adoring husband, four lovely children, a nice home, a ‘successful’ life. She had always been busy helping others.
Carl Jung, founder of analytical psychology, believed that what remains unconscious does not dissolve, but rather resurfaces in our lives as fate or fortune. I don’t think Eva took the time to heal. And here’s my controversial view: helping others does not heal us. We have to heal ourselves first.
I came to quantum medicine late in life. Schooled in old science, I found the quantum world beyond common sense and beyond logic. But who are we? Human beings are made up of cells and cells are ‘nothingness’. Perhaps just little blips of energy, according to String Theory. Life and reality are not as tangible as we think.
Recently, I suffered a huge trauma in my life. My partner, who is all for emancipation of women, started to exert his cave-man rights on me. He insisted that I live in seclusion and isolation for six months to heal myself. He had taken a big house in Phuket on long lease for me.
“Let me go home. Let me be a doctor again,” I railed against him. It has become a bone of contention between us, as I am not used to be treated like a chattel. Logic tells me that I am physically fine now. But my heart, my intuition and my deepest voice tell me to trust this man’s judgment. I do indeed need this time to go inwards, to focus on myself, and to heal completely before I join the human race again.
Behind these high walls, I am healing myself.
Healing yourself by quantum medicine
- Never be afraid to take time out. You are perfectly within your rights to shut the castle doors so that you can go inwards and fix yourself at the cellular level. And it takes time. Those who love you will understand and respect your decision.
- Shut out all noises. Including your own voice. We need silence more than we think. You need an absolute cessation of mental activities for long periods. Days, weeks, months. Just walk, run, BE.
- In that abyss, fill yourself with kind words. Forgive yourself. But in the process, also acknowledge your wrongdoings and ask for forgiveness. You cannot move on without making peace with your past because that is who you are.
- In your isolation, put down the foundations for a new you. Mediate. Speak less. Stop questioning. Live more mindfully. Love more.